Stop Telephonin' Me-e-e-e-e-e-h-e-e-e-h

In the words of a certain pop star "stop telephonin' me-e-e-h-e-e-h-e-e-h-e-e-eh-e-e-e-h." Honestly, since I got my new phone (a snazzy 2004 model - retro and thrifty) it has been non stop. If the Chancellor isn't phoning me to moan about credit ratings, it's Mary Berry yacking away about the crap cake she scoffed in a shabby chic Cornwall tea room. I don't want to hear it, I don't need the stress. I'm a puppy, I like treats and toys. If you aren't bringing either of those then off you pop.

Woof de woof

P.S. Woof.

Going Blonde!

I love my natural born black and tan look, I think it offers me an air of sophistication - don't you think? But I've always been slightly jealous of those beach-y looking pooches with blonde flowing locks and whaddya know the few tiny high lights around my ears and eyes are turning into full on blonde tresses.

Now I'm conflicted, I love my new look but will I ever be my natural, happy go lucky black and tan self? Will the blinds match the curtains? Will I be able to pull off my favourite colours? I mean...I was really feeling red for the next season? Can blondes pull off red?

Anyway, less of the worrying - I spot something to chew.

WOOF DE WOOF,

P.S. WOOF!

The Flasher

I am a boy dog and I have a willy, I actually spend a large amount of time keeping it clean, s'lovely. The thing is, I don't really want to see other willies. I'm sure they are great but they're not something I can chase or eat so I'm not really bothered by them. I particularly do not want to see a human willy, EVER.

Despite all this when I was on a walk with my human yesterday a man with a long coat and a Lidl bag stopped in front of us and showed us his human willy. Now remember, I didn't want to see a human willy EVER and yet there I was, on the street looking at a human willy. I did not enjoy it and jumped up a bit whilst my human lady dragged me away tutting. Then I did a poo whilst looking over my shoulder in the general direction of where I saw my first and hopefully last human willy.

Dear humans, keep your willies away from me OR ELSE. I'm off to sleep in the middle of the floor in disgust.


WOOF DE WOOF,

P.S. Ugh!

Welly I Never

Last week I decided it would be prudent to investigate my human's wellington boots but little did I know I'd find myself stuck in them - I may have had one too many tripe treats that weekend.

A message to all puppies out there - be careful around wellies. They may signal a walk but they also have a dangerous side.

WOOF DE WOOF

P.S. Sniff your pets from me

Puppy Cribs

Yo! Welcome to my new blog s'cool no? I'm Jarvis and I'm a bad ass Yorkie puppy living with two human folk, one of them even has a blog too - find her here.
I thought a good way to introduce myself would be to show you my crib, apparently before I was even born a muzik, musesick, music channel had this idea first but considering I'm too short to even see the TV I don't think it can be considered intellectual property theft.

I have a crate which is in the human's bedroom but I think it is a bit too big for me and sometimes I'm silly and create areas to poop in and areas to sleep in, which seems efficient but the smell just isn't working for me. One day when the humans were out at the shops (BUYING ME TREATS) I moved my blanket and Care Bear (RIP) into my travel crate and I love it like no other place and I've been to lots of place - once, right, I WENT TO A FIELD AND THERE WERE HORSES. NO WAY! My travel crate is just bit enough for me to stand up, turn around and lie down so I don't do poops in there. I loves it, it makes me happy and sometimes I just go in there to play with a ball or an envelope or something. I consider it a multifunctional space for the modern pooch. You have to roll with the times and your needs, WOOF!

Anyway on with my crib, it is grey and has a spotty pillow, blue fleecy blankets and I can take any toys in that I like. Some times I'm given a carrot as a treat and I sneak it in there to make a mess just to give the humans something extra to do.

Well I am going to go now because, frankly I'm a dog and I need to cuddle a human. S'fun. I hope you like my crib

Woof, de woof,

P.S. Say woof to your pet chums from me